Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Don't get high on your own supply.*

*DISCLAIMER
No drugs of any kind were consumed for the purpose of penning this post -- or consumed period, for that matter. I simply thought "Don't get high on your own supply" made for a far more attention-grabbing title, as opposed to "I sold a shit-load of items on eBay, and then turned right around and blew all of my earnings on even more shit I didn't need."
 
...Which is precisely what I did.
 
After carving hours out of my schedule -- hours I didn't really have in the first place, writing listing descriptions, taking photos, and trying to figure out what the starting bid should be for all the items I was selling, I had earned a measly 60-something dollars when it was all said and done.
 
Sixty. Fucking. Dollars. 
 
And even then, a small portion of that ended up being chipped away at because I under-estimated how much it would cost to ship every freakin' item I sold.
 
But, wait, it gets worse. (And as you know by now, it always gets worse.):
 
I turned right around and spent all of the money before it had so much of even a ghost of a chance to luxuriate in my PayPal account for a day or so.
 
I spent it on frivolous shit. Useless shit. Shit I didn't need.
 
Like this sweater:

And this one:

And this Christmas dress for DD (even though next Christmas is light-years away, and I am bound to see something else that I'll want even more than this one before then):

And these granola bars:

Who the fuck buys granola bars on eBay?
 
Me. That's who.
 
I'm pathetic. 

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Saturday, April 5, 2014

On sadness and gratitude.



I don't know what's gotten into me lately. I'm feeling -- and I don't mean to be overly dramatic here...forlorn. Like, not I-can't-get-out-of-bed forlorn, or you-had-better-keep-the-shades-drawn forlorn. No. This breed of forlorn comes from not living in the present. This breed of forlorn comes from thinking about the past. This breed of forlorn comes when you realize that your baby is not a newborn anymore, and is, as a matter of fact, approaching the tale end of the infant stage.

Why does this sadden me?

Because I know that this is the end of the road for me. This uterus is closed for business.

Sure, I won't miss the middle-of-the-night feedings, or having to wear elastic-waist pants for months after my delivery, or how my hair sheds like a motherfucker in the three months following giving birth.

But all those hassles aside, there is nothing like the fuzzy, beautiful, and delightful process that is pregnancy -- and, of course -- giving birth. It can give you, by all accounts, an unrivaled high, particularly when you have the love and support that I did during both pregnancies. Then, add to the mix a shiny new, cooing baby, and all of it is just enough to make you drunk with adoration and satisfaction.

DD just turned 6 months, and for some reason, I've found myself reflecting a lot recently on her delivery, which was awesome. (It seems so long ago, although it really wasn't, as DH reminds me.) And in going down Memory Lane, I remembered that I hadn't posted this eBay purchase to this blog: some 40-odd bars of Lindt chocolate bars, which I purchased from a candy wholesaler as gift for the maternity floor staff at my hospital.

Those nurses rocked. They made my entire pregnancy feel like I was going to a Girls' Night Out every time I visited the hospital (for twice-weekly stress tests), and I was so happy to get to know each of them.

It is my hope that they enjoyed this chocolate as much as I appreciated them.


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Tuesday, March 18, 2014

But, wait. There's more.



So in my last post, I regaled you on the utter and complete weirdness that transpired over the course of my latest transaction.

Well, the eBay Gods have smiled upon me once again.

I'm actually being facetious, because a more accurate characterization of my most recent eBay transaction is that the eBay Gods puked on me once again...

I found the above gem of a dress -- a NWT A-line Isaac Mizrahi for Target shift dress -- one morning before I had even changed DD's overnight diaper. (Yes, some days the eBay trolling begins waaaay before the crack of dawn.) The dress, in my size, was under 20 bucks with frees shipping. I bought it immediately.

Done.

Well, days -- no, almost two weeks -- transpire and no dress.

I look up the tracking number the seller provided and guess what?

The dress had been delivered to some place in Pennsylvania a week ago.

I don't live in Pennsylvania.

So I e-mail the seller to ask what's up. She, thankfully, replies immediately with an apology stating that she mistakenly mixed up her orders: My dress was sent to her other buyer...and the other buyer's item was en route to me.

I know mistakes happen, but this shit nearly made me blow my top. I had a myriad of questions: Was the other buyer even going to contact the seller to inform her that she had received THE WRONG FUCKING ITEM!? Probably -- no, obviously -- not. The freak may have worn my size and was just thinking she had nabbed a freebie. The bitch.

But, wait. There's more.

The seller e-mails me again, says that she will refund my total purchase price and kindly requests that I mail the item (that is on its way to me) to the correct buyer...and she will "see if the other buyer will agree to doing the same."

I promptly told her hell-to-the-no. That did it. I blew.

Do you know what I got next? Yet another e-mail from the seller stating that this is not a big deal, that my getting my dress late pales in comparison to having your husband run off with his mistress and leaving you with four kids.

Okay, she wins.

But, dammit, I still wanted my dress. The seller did some further digging, and, come to find, she didn't mix up the orders. She only mixed up the tracking labels. My dress was still en route to me. Apparently, snow in Denver was to blame for the delay.

The dress came two days later, and all was forgiven.

Well, not all. I'm sure the seller still harbors pure hatred for her asshole husband and would love nothing more than smack him in the head (or balls) as hard as she possibly can with a wrought iron frying pan.



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Monday, March 3, 2014

The most bizarre eBay transaction ever.

In the 10 + years I've been a member of eBay, I've seen my fair share of bat-shit crazy, but the story I'm about to tell you takes the cake...
 
So I have a gazillion winter coats -- long, short, cashmere, fleece...you name the style and fabric, and it is probably hanging in one of the bulging closets in this house. I need another one like I need a hole in my head. But because every other day brings with it "winter vortex" temperatures or three feet of snow, it was easy to convince myself that I needed this Lands' End long puffer coat:
 
The quick and dirty is that the coat wasn't my size, it was, in fact three sizes too big. But it was a beautiful brown color, NWT, and was listed for a rock-bottom BIN price of $39. How in the hell was I supposed to pass this up?
 
I couldn't. And I didn't. I bought the coat immediately.
 
But this listing wasn't without a few shortcomings: The seller had only two transactions to her name -- this may not have necessarily been a bad thing, but I'm just saying, it's not a good thing either. Regardless, I threw caution to the wind, because this coat was just too damn good to let go.
 
So I encounter the first speed bump right off the bat when I click the BIN button, agree to the purchase, and am led to PayPal...
 
...and immediately an error message pops up that says that the seller isn't set up to receive payment through PayPal.
 
Huh?
 
I have never heard of such of thing.
 
So I e-mail the seller through the eBay messaging system to inform her of this problem, which is clearly on her end.
 
Before she can even respond, an eBay rep leaves me a voicemail on my cell phone. (Of course DD has an epic blowout, which I'm busy responding to, and thus can't answer my phone.) I play back the message more times than I can count because the rep's accent is so thick, all I can verifiably understand is the word Hello. Through straining my ears I am able to hear that the gist of her explanation involves informing me that the seller must send me a manual invoice via PayPal and needs my PayPal e-mail to do so.
 
There's only one problem: the eBay messaging system prohibits the exchange of personal e-mail addresses over their system in an effort to prevent fraudulent acts.
 
This shit is about to get interesting, I think to myself.
 
An hour goes by. Then two. Still no word from the seller. I prod her again through eBay messenger. Her problem? She can't figure out how to send a manual invoice. I tell her to call PayPal.
 
The third hour goes by. And then, the forth. I reach out to her again. Her response in written form? I don't...I don't understand any of this...I wish I knew what was wrong on my end...
 
Dear, Lord, Lady! Stop trying to build the clock, when all you need to know is the time. Just follow the directions from PayPal and send me the damn manual invoice!
 
Then...nothing. Communication with the seller comes to a screeching halt. I'm beginning to wonder if this is all a sham. I message her yet again. Get a load of her latest response: I can't figure this out. I don't know what else to do. I'm giving up.
 
Um, you can't, bey-otch, I want to say. Were you going to tell me about your latest bright idea had I not messaged you? Ugh. I seriously want to choke her at this point. Her next reply:
 
I'll just go ahead and send you the coat for free.
 
I don't know what to think at this point. Is there an adult behind all of this brain matter? Or is it a four-year-old playing around on her mommy's computer? I tell her that I can't accept her offer to send me the coat for free, although it is tempting. She then says I can just mail her a check...but she will send me the coat first to ensure that I even want to keep it. I agree to this.
 
Two days later, the coat arrives. It's in pristine condition, but larger than a tent. I call my tailor and ask if he can work his magic. He promises he can. I mail off the check.
 
So that's where we are.  I'm taking the coat in tomorrow. I sure hope all this craziness wasn't for naught.
 
And I sure hope that, for the sake of other poor, unsuspecting souls on eBay, that this seller never again lists anything else on eBay.
 

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Monday, February 24, 2014

The quest to beef up DD's summer wardrobe has begun (or how buying shorts will not make spring arrive faster.)




Well, this was a mindless purchase if ever there was one.

But, then, if you follow this blog, then this is precisely what you've come to expect.

I just had a rare moment -- and by just, I mean, like, eight minutes ago. It was a moment when I realized that I couldn't even pretend as if I needed to buy something. I mean, seriously, no one in this house needs anything -- including me. (I've already got The Hub's Father's Day gift stashed away in my closet -- How's that for proactive?)

I should have just quit while I was ahead.

But I had an axe to grind. With who? you might ask.

Mother Nature.

I was totally her bitch today. Given the fact that I had not taken the kids for a walk around the neighborhood since practically Thanksgiving -- it's been nothing by polar-vortex-one-day-and-then-a-gazillion-feet-of-snow-the-next -- I had had it with breathing recycled air. The kids and I had to make a break for it.

So we attempted to go on a walk. More specifically, I attempted to walk while pushing them in the stroller.

Bad, BAD idea.

I damn near bit it twice, for one, and the path the snow blower made down the sidewalk wasn't wide enough to accommodate our double stroller. Alright, Mother Nature, you win. Uncle, I'm taking my ass back into the house.

I. Can't. Take. Winter. Anymore.

I long for the day when DD can wear these shorts.
 
NWT Carter's size 12-month girl's khaki shorts: $7


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